When I was 14

When I was fourteen, 
I fell in love with a boy, 
he told me he loved me 
and I gave him my whole heart.

But when he left me for another girl, 
I cried, until I screamed 
“There’s nothing more I could give” 
and pushed him away until he could no longer reach me.

I didn’t want that to happen again
And so, I am sorry for not being able to always trust you, 
It’s just, I’ve seen it so many times,
And they’re the only kind of love I have ever known.

Six months ago, when I decided to try again, 
the decision to love you was something I’ve never regret.
You showed me love and became my rock,
But I just don’t want the ghosts to say “she did it all over again”.

Ultimately,
I just want to learn how to love you better—
Not with fear,
Not with walls.
But with trust, with hope,
With the kind of love that builds,
So we can do this right.